The life of a Dutch Scrapper

Life is a rollercoaster and I just went down....hard.

Sorry for not writing sooner, but like I said in my title for this post, I was going down....hard. Things were not going well with me for some time now and I thought it was because of my ADHD that I was having a burn-out. So I looked for help and contacted PSYQ. I thought I needed help with my ADHD and also had my medication looked at by a psychiatrist. After my intake, the psychologist told me I was battling a depression and asked me if I had felt like this before. Uhm "Yes, actually multiple times". She asked me if I was ever treated for any of those depressions. Uhm, "No". I also learned that I never take problems/situations and feelings that come with it serious, I always tend to make them sound less heavy. This way I was able to cope with everything and if that didn't help I ate the feelings away. So for years now I kept all my true feelings inside, unable to communicate, always thinking I needed to be the strong one and the one who would fix it all by herself. The depressions were a reaction of this behavior, because how long can you go on doing this without breaking? A few more things also came up and part of my recovery plan is to have talks once a week with a psychologist, see a psychiatrist for my medication(which I already did once and my Ritalin is much higher now and is working so much better for me at this point, but he still likes to bump it up a bit more in a few weeks from now) and I am having a personal organiser/coach help me with my business and household so in the end I will not always have the feeling I always have to be busy, maybe even have a day off once a week! 

So yeah, things are not going that well, but I can finally see that this is the right way to go for me and my family. I have hope that this will finally get me in balance.

I never cried this much and I never shared so much of my feelings with my friends like I have been doing the past few weeks and it feels actually good. It feels like I am going somewhere. The personal organiser helped me already with my office space and also gave me a kickstart to tackle the rest of the house(I am proud to say Anthony finally has a new room, Jadenn's room is in order and our bedroom as well). The rest will be done by the end of this year I think and it feels so much better already in our house :)

So yeah this is where I am in the rollercoaster of life, but the best thing is that once you have gone down, you need to get up :)

Corinnexxx

Cancer I hate you!

I have to get this of my chest as it feels like a heavy blanket on my shoulder bringing me down the last couple of weeks. A few weeks ago the 10 year old son of my friend was diagnosed with Leukimia. I can't share his name or anything else personal about them due to a personal situation in their life. My friend has had a very hard life with way to many hardship a person needs to endure in one lifetime and now this....It broke my heart when I heard it. They have started chemo right away and at first it was going ok, but right now they can't continue the chemo because he is too sick. He is losing weight at such a rapid pace that he now is like someone with severe anorexia. He is losing way too many proteins(normal level is around 30, his is 9) which is leaking away inside his body. Everything he eats comes out in seconds, he can't hold anything down. He is on a machine to watch his heart, as he is so weak. The doctors have no idea what it is he has or what to do about it so they can get him to become better so they can start with the chemo again, but they are searching high and low and are a very good support system to my friend and her family. Next to having cancer this little boy is also Autistic. He sees the world through the eyes of a 4-year old and he doesn't play with toys he just loves stuffed animals that are soft so he can cuddle with them. My friend tells me that the highlight of the day is when the mail arrives, he loves it. I am not sure right now in which direction this is going, but as right now it is not going well at all. We hope they find the answer of his sickness very soon so he has a higher change of getting better. Like I said I can't share any information about them online but if you want to help make a little boy feel a little bit better by sending him a postcard(he would love to receive post from abroad as well of that I am sure!)or whatever you want you can send it to me and I make sure it will be delivered to them.

You can email me at corinnedelis@hotmail.com for my address, thank you!

And that was not all. One of my moms best friends is ending her life by the end of this month. She has had cancer for years now and it is now come in a phase that she can't do anything at all, just lay in bed and feeling pain and she decided it was time. My mom is visiting her tomorrow to say her final goodbyes, which I now is so hard on my mom.

And ofcourse how can I forget my friend Marcia who is still undergoing chemotheraphy as we speak. She is done with Chemo in November and I pray that the cancer is all gone by then so she and her family can start healing again.

Please keep these families in your prayers.

Corinnexxx

Scraptastic October 2012!!!

Have I told you already that I will be teaching my self-portrait workshop at Scraptastic in Belgium on October 7th? No? Well I am doing my self-portrait workshop at Scraptastic in Belgium on October 7th!!! It is going to be so much fun to teach this workshop again. Next to learn you how to make good self-portraits I am also going to teach you some editing skills and give-away a mini-photoshoot during each class!!!

Next to me there are going to be so many AWESOME teachers from all around the world, the best of the best if you ask me. How about: Donna Downey, Birgit Koopsen, Lori Bucaria, Iris Babao Uy, Sharon Laakkonen, Teresa Collins, Anna Dabrowska, Ingvild Bolme and Tanya Watts!! If you haven't signed up yet you need to hurry, HURRY!! :). I always LOVED organizing my own scrapbooking weekends or attending ones as it was for me never about the workshops(although they were an awesome bonus for me), but it was time to connect with friends and time for my self doing creative stuff, always loved that about scrapbooking weekends. I can't wait to see some of my friends again, it has been too long!

There will also be lots of stands were you can shop the latest products, hell I think I might be buying some new stuff, I miss being creative!!!


Hope to see you there!!!!!

Corinnexxx 

ADHD again....

First of all thank you all so much for your sweet comments and emails, it really touched my heart!
This post is about a revelation I had a few weeks ago. I started reading on my i-Pad as I read really, really fast and have no more shelves to place all my books on. So after finishing another E-book I searched under the topic ADHD and stumbled on this book from Melissa Orlov:

It is also available in Dutch HERE.

She also has a website with lots of information and a forum which is called www.adhdmarriage.com

This book opened my eyes in a lot of ways. Not only about the relationship between me and my husband and the effect that ADHD has on our marriage, but also that me trying to change myself in order to create balance(remember I have been trying this for years now!) is totally the wrong way to go. It always ends up in failure.....no kidding!

She tells about a lot of things like she is writing about my life and I bet this goes for a lot of people who are married with a ADHD spouse and or have kids with ADHD. I truly recommend you to read this book if you are in the same position as I am it could change your married life. Not many may know this but a whole lot of marriages where ADHD is a part of everyday life are ending up in divorce. Communications problems, nagging, blaming, feeling like a failure, misunderstood, etc, etc is what can become between two spouses. I never talk about my marriage here to respect my DH but I can tell you that our marriage has been effected greatly by ADHD. I can see this now after reading this book. It makes me love my DH even more for sticking around for so long and not only dealing with my ADHD but also the ADHD/PDD-NOS of the kids(Jadenn just ADHD).

So in order to get some balance I am trying to take my meds every single day and I am going to see a ADHD coach that can teach me the skills that I need to cope with my ADHD.

If you are going to read the book let me know what you think about it!

Corinnexxx 

What can I say?

I got a message on this blog not to long ago asking me for an update as it been months since I posted something here. And it has been months, months of going down in the same downwards spiral that I have been in way too many times. I am ashamed to the bone to type here that I am fat again, that I almost gained it all again, just like I am ashamed to meet up with friends or go into the stores where people know me. I am still figuring out why I have the need to build this wall of fat around me. I think I figured a lot out already but how do I solve what has been broken for so long now? I did decide that I will not doing any diet anymore, it has never been about the food and starving myselve again and my body that is something I will never do again, no matter how good the results are. So I do not know what my next step is going to be, all I know is that I am not ready for it right now but that I also feel stuck again :(. People telling me to get help, although meant well hurt me because if it was that easy I would not be where I am right now and nobody else have to tell me I am fat again, trust me I am well aware no need to rub it in. So yes still trying hard to get a grip on life, hopefully one day I will all figure it out. The one good thing is that I got my hair and curls back :). Corinnexxx

Help! Catering gezocht!!!

Wie oh wie helpt mij uit de brand? Ik zit echt even met mijn handen in het haar. Zoals jullie weten heb ik in januari een trouwerij weggegeven aan een stel dat het echt verdiende. De winnaars waren Marcia en Dirk, lees hun verhaal hier . Alles had ik geregeld met verschillende bedrijven die belangeloos hieraan wilden meewerken. Nu op het laatste moment heeft de cateraar gemeld dat ze zich terugtrekt en niet aan dit huwelijk wil meewerken. Zoals je zult begrijpen kwam dit out of the blue en met een dusdanige reden dat ik behoorlijk boos was.

Nu heb ik al verschillende cateraars benaderd maar tot nu toe geen succes dus ik dacht ik doe hier een oproep en hoop dat jullie iemand weten die mij uit de brand kan helpen. Marcia en Dirk verdienen hetgeen wat hun is aangeboden dus daar ga ik dan ook voor of ik het uiteindelijk uit eigen zak moet betalen of niet.

Hetgeen wat ik dus nodig heb:
Catering(warm/koud buffet) voor 30 personen op zondag 29 april in Groet(N-H).

In ruil krijg je foto's die ik maak gedurende die dag die je mag gebruiken voor je website of reclame doeleinden.

Tevens komt er een reportage over dit huwelijk in Wit Wedding Magazine met foto's van de dag(geen idee welke foto's ze uiteindelijk gebruiken daar ga ik niet over) en zullen alle meewerkende bedrijven worden vermeld.

Wie oh wie helpt mij uit de brand?
Heb je als cateraar/bedrijf interesse om hieraan belangeloos mee te werken mail me dan op delisphotography@hotmail.com

Corinnexxx 

 

Happy Easter!

Corinnexxx

Not so bad after all

Anthony doesn't need surgery! YEAH! His bones are connected but that shouldn't be such a problem the doctor said and likely they will get connected again after surgery due to the healingprocess. The pain he had for a few days is totally gone, no idea what caused it, but it is gone! 

The new washingmachine arrived. We got it from Indesit after the washingmachine we had from them exploded(in case you missed that scroll down two posts).

So how am I doing? I am still trying to find balance in my life. Somedays this seems harder then other days. I wish I could grab onto it for more than just a few days or sometimes even just hours but so far I haven't been able to do so, but I keep trying. It is frustrating though, very frustrating. Weightgain is what makes me feel sad and I feel like I truly have a problem with food. It is like many things with my life I feel like I can't get a hold of it. I have it and then it slips through my fingers again and I have no idea on how to get it back again. Being aware of this is what is the most frustrating part of it all. I feel like such a loser sometimes not being able to get my life on track the way I want it to go. I know everything in my head but for some reason I can't make it happen. Ah well, I keep trying....

Corinnexxx

Bad luck!

My son Anthony always has bad luck. Where jadenn walks through life happily and carefree, Anthony seems to get everything bad happening to him all the time, since he was born actually. Poor kid. Last week when he stepped out off bed in the morning he couldn't walk. It was hurting badly right at his ankle where he was operated on 1,5 years ago after being hit by a car. I bended his foot in all sort of directions but that didn't hurt him, just walking was not possible. I called the doctor and we could see her in the late afternoon. He was doing a little bit better by then and could sort off walk on it with out putting too much pressure on his foot. She couldn't find anything either and said to watch it and call her if it stayed this way. Well the next day it was the same as the previous day so I called the doctor and she send us for an x-ray at the hospital. After taking 3 x-rays they informed us that the bones in his lower leg were grown together at his ankle due to his previous injury. The healing process went to quickly and too much new bone was made and now the two bones were together instead of being separate. So tomorrow we will see the Orthopedic surgeon in the hospital and I assume he needs surgery again...:(

Corinnexxx

 

Sometimes it just takes a little bit of pressure...

To get people to wake up and undertake the right kind of action.
After not hearing back from Indesit, the washingmachine company, I filed in a complained but also posted a photo on their facebookpage mentioning the bad customer service. And yesterdaymorning I got an email that someone else was handeling it now. Yesterday afternoon I had a message on my voicemail that the district manager decided to give me a new washingmachine and that it was already ordered, I just had to wait for the delivery company to call me to set a time and date to drop it off.

I am happy they decided to give me a new one, the only thing they could do in my opinion, but that they do not even come to look what caused this or such is what has me a bit worried, did this happen before?

Ah well the thing I wanted to get across today is that when ever you feel like someone is doing you wrong just let your voice be heard, because you matter as much as anyone else, and no one should make you feel otherwise.

Amen!

Corinnexxx